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Taking Care of You Is Caring For Them
Nurturing Adult Relationships
Developed by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka Ed.D. and Lynn Jessen M.A,
Miss your friends? Miss your partner? Yes, miss your partner. Even if you have been together in the same space for months you may have felt like two ships passing in the night, physically close but never connecting. How, after so long do you reconnect? Is it possible to rekindle meaningful conversations or simply hang out for fun?
In the first pocket of predictability, Lynn and I encouraged you to rise in the morning before the children to savor a few minutes of “me” time, before meeting the needs of your children. Now, in this tenth and final pocket of predictability we encourage you to end your day, nurturing the most important adult relationships in your life.
If you have been following the pockets of predictability your children are now peacefully going to bed at a reasonable hour. Yes, you are probably tired, you have been working hard, but you are not feeling completely exhausted because you have created those pockets throughout the day to re-charge and calm.
Now in this tenth and final pocket of predictability, Lynn and I suggest you reserve the first twenty to thirty minutes after lights out for the little ones, connecting with key adults in your life.
If you are living with that key person, stop all other tasks and instead join one another for conversation and the pleasure of hanging out together. Talk about your day. What was the best thing that happened? What are you grateful for? Research has documents gratitude lifts our spirits. What was one little, tiny success you can celebrate? What is worrying you? What are you excited about? What concern needs to be addressed, now while it is minor and easily discussed.
If you are not living with that key adult, grab your phone to call or text one of the key people in your life.
Give yourself permission for the next half-hour to forget about the next task. Instead, talk, laugh, cry, and share stories. Let the bonds of friendship bolster you.
After those thirty minutes, you have free time to finish a few tasks, or do something you enjoy. But set the alarm on your phone to remind you when it is time to stop and go to bed. If a task tempts you to remain awake, remind yourself, “I NEED and DESERVE my sleep!” Then go to bed!
Do you prioritize time to interact with your partner or other adults?
If not, what is one thing you could do to begin creating a pocket of predictability to nurture those important adult relationships in your life?