Do You Know What To Do When Your Child Calls You Names?

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD CALLS YOU NAMES

Your child is screaming, “You are stupid.” Or worse, “I hate you!” You feel yourself spiraling, every cell in your body triggered. Do you yell too? Flee? Burst into tears? Or do you somehow stay cool?

The secret to staying calm is to have a response ready. One that you do not even need to think about. With a strategy in place, you will feel calmer and more in control. It’s when we don’t know what to do that our own intensity escalates.

What might that response be? Perhaps words like, “I know you are really mad right now about.... “ “I’m listening" "I will work with you." But in our family, we do not call one another names." "We do not say, “I hate you.” “You can say, ‘I’m really mad because..." Then pause to listen. Listening does not mean you agree nor that you will do what your child is demanding.

What listening does communicate is that you care about what your child is feeling and you are trying to understand. That sense of calm connection, even in the most heated moments will quiet your child. Then you can help them name their emotions, teach them the words you want them to use when upset and problem solve when needed.

Sometimes as you teach your child more appropriate words, you realize that when you are mad you are modeling angry words and actions. If you are, be kind to yourself. Change begins with awareness.

Then take steps to care for yourself, address your own anger. Build your emotion vocabulary so that you can be a role model. Demonstrate for your child how your family appropriately expresses anger and works together - even when those feelings are really BIG.

HAVE YOUR RESPONSE READY AND YOU HAVE GOT THIS UNDER CONTROL!!

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