Spirited Introverts and Holidays

Five Tips to Help Your Little Introvert Successfully Manage Holiday Gatherings

Developed by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka Ed.D. and Lynn Jessen M.A.

Holiday gatherings can be overwhelming for introverts who need space, quiet and time to observe before joining activities. The following tips can help you set your child up for success.

1. Practice ahead of time.  Before going to an event, talk with your spirited introvert. Even if they are a toddler, they can understand more than you may expect.  Let them know that you are going to a party and there will be lots of people. Your only expectation for them is that they can sit on your lap and watch, or if preferred stay close to your body in a backpack. If they are uncomfortable doing so, they don’t need to talk. Instead, teach them there are different ways to greet people like waving, smiling, or nodding a hello. Or if they prefer, they can turn to you, ask, or touch your arm to signal they need you to say hello for them. But don’t stop with just a conversation. Role play what to do using puppets or stuffed animals, to act as relatives and friends coming way to close to them, and much too energetically declaring, “Hey buddy, how are you doing?”
2. Protect sleep. Before going do your best to make certain your child is well-rested and fed.
3. Arrive early. It is more comfortable for an introvert to arrive before the other guests while stimulation levels are low. This allows them time to peruse the environment and observe as people gradually enter.  Walking into a crowded room is a trigger.
4. Know when to take a break. Identify and memorize the first cues that your child is beginning to get overwhelmed, like turning away, starting to wriggle, or complain. Teach and practice ahead of time the words you want them to use when they start to feel overwhelmed, like “All done.” Or “Break, please.” Have a plan to take them outside to go for a walk or play ball. If that’s not feasible, take them to the bathroom, or a quiet spot to read, listen to music, build with Legos and decompress.
5. Recognize when it is time to leave. If your child is climbing under a table, running frantically from one room to another, not listening and/or potentially hitting at people to keep them at a distance, it’s time to go. If you are parenting with a partner decide ahead of time who will be the person to leave with your child. If one of you is an introvert, this may be a wonderful opportunity for you to escape as well. But before you leave, take a minute to calm your child enough to say those words you practiced, such as, “Go please.” Or “All done.” They don’t need to be perfect, just a slight change in tone, or one word is enough, but your child will learn they can ask for what they need and you will listen.

Celebrate successes!

Your introvert may be ready to go before the party is over but celebrate progress. Today, they coped beautifully for 30 minutes and even waved a hello to grandma! Sooner than you may expect, they will begin to move off your lap, join into activities, take a break on their own – and often become the life of the party! Their keen observations and wit a true asset in entertaining everyone.